Notable Milestones.

Today, V stood on her own.  Her dad looked up and found her standing all by herself in the middle of the room, which means that she got herself upright from the floor.  She also stacked two blocks on top of a block I'd placed on the floor. 

More Notes to Self

Things that Vera has been doing recently.  

I think we have the empathy issue settled.  She is reciprocating at an amazing rate.  In the past week, she has spontaneously:

• Offered me her chewed food (I used to cut up food with my teeth and give it to her) 

• Picked my nose (like I still do for her)

• "Read" me a book (very articulately for baby babble, I might add, all the while pointing to the words and pictures like she really knew what she was talking about)

• Responded to my "No, Vera!  Don't rip up Mommy's coupons" by crying a little and then thinking better of it, and offering them to me intact for filing instead.

• "Blown" both of us kisses (hand over mouth and then "mmmmmmmm" for a long time before she lets it go).  Attempted the phrase "I love you" several times.

• She likes to bite our fingers (especially her father's ever since she was a newborn), but now she offers us her fingers to bite.  She probably thinks we would enjoy it too :)
  

Other things she's started to do:

• Associations.  I read her "Duckling's First Spring" today, and afterward, she led me to her bathroom sink where her rubber duckies were sitting.  It also knows that the book "What's Wrong, Little Pookie" was not "Let's Dance, Little Pookie" but LOOKED like it.  When I started reading the wrong book, she went over to her bookshelf and retrieved the right book.
  
• Nod "yes" and shake "no".  Mike taught her to nod after we noticed that she was shaking her head to anything that sounded like a question.  That's probably because we say "nono, Vera!" so often.  Now, she nods yes to almost everything (e.g. "will you promise to obey Momma forever" *nod nod nod*)  ...except for things that she really doesn't want to do (e.g. "Vera, are you tired?  Is it sleepy time?" *shake shake shake*).  The funny thing is that when she nods, instead of nodding her head alone, the weight of her head "nods" her entire torso to and fro.  HAHA!
• The fine motor skills in her hands are quite amazing.  She is figuring out switches and knobs and can manipulate very thin pages gently (when she wants).  However, she still refuses to walk.  She likes to hold my hands and "walk" with me, but as soon as I start to let go or back up an inch to give her a chance to be freestanding, she becomes distressed and grabs hold of me.  I think it's perhaps more emotional than physical.  Yes, she is a very dense baby (lbs/cubic in), but I think it has more to do with her just wanting to be held by me a little longer.  She seems to think that if she stands and walks by herself, I'll stop picking her up or "chasing" her around on all fours.  It might also be fear.  She was not too fond of the swings at the park, but then again, she still dives off of our bed and sofas head first.  
• All four front upon teeth came in at once in December, just as the four bottom ones came in all at once in August. 
  
• Vera's still an incredibly social person.  At the Mission Expo last Sunday, she was carried through the very crowded church gym by a myriad of people (all people we knew, not to worry), who were "showing" her to myriads of other people.  She was as happy as a clam and totally chill despite having been awake and at church for five straight hours.  She even rode home with my friends who had a car seat in their car, because I needed to stay for tear down of our booth.  By their account, she was laughing with the their kids all the way to our house and then played with them until I got home an hour later.  This social intuition is definitely one of her spiritual gifts.  This week, I'm interviewing prospective Yale students for admission, and if she is awake when they come by, she cruises or crawls straight up to them and asks to be picked up with her "up" sign
• Another spiritual gift I think she has is joy.  She jokes around!  She has several toy phones and likes to imitate me by holding them up to her ear and saying "hewo? Beh beh beh Blah" copying my inflections.  Sometimes, she even pretends to multitask while she's on the phone LOL.  Then, she'll hand the phone to me with a smile, and I'm expected to speak on the phone.  Of course, I tell the "person" on the other end how wonderful and beautiful Vera is.  Sometimes, she'll joke with us by putting something to her ear that is clearly not a phone, like a set of keys or her hand.  Then she'll do her little babbly act and crack herself up!  It is seriously SO funny.  I really need to capture these precious times on the camcorder.  We're just so enthralled by her big little personality that we lose track of everything else!  I pray that the Lord jealousy guards these gifts He has worked in her, that He will let nothing tarnish them and that He would guide us as we husband them.  

 Which brings me to the topic of parenting.  I think I'm finally coming into a parenting style of my own...specific to Vera, of course.  It's timely because recent articles in Parents and Parenting have written featurs on the phenomenon of helicopter parents -those parents whose identities are so wrapped up in their children that they can't bear to let their children do hardly anything lest they should have their little egos bruised or get swatted at by another child... or touch a germ.  Well, it's pretty easy to agree that some of that behavior can be egregious and harmful to a child's development.  However, I think that it's just as prevalent in Christian circles, among people who are called to have faith.  I think the genesis of much overparenting is fear.  We are afraid of the physical and emotional dangers that our children face.  We are afraid of the big bad world and all the nasty things it might teach our children.  We are afraid of our own inabilities and inadequacies.  We are afraid of our divine accountability to raise these children right.  I think another factor is desire.  We desire to be that Proverbs 31 woman; then, we might be proud of ourselves and more contented with who we are.  We desire to have blessings and honor showered upon our children;  if we do things just so, then maybe their lives will be oh so much happier than ours.  I won't go into all the motives behind such desires, good and bad.  The point is that we are at once seeking and avoiding to such a degree that we start turning to this method and that training program and those discipline techniques.  We take stands, we talk to other moms, we enroll in parenting classes, we read blogs.  We are so wrapped up in our parenting that we miss the child completely.  We fail to see her loving nature manifested on that divinely wrought face.  We fail to listen to her questions and her musings, even if they are, at present, incomprehensible.  In our effort to "feel in control" as parents, we fail in our role as the "guides" we were called to be.  Instead of raising them up in the Lord, we obssess over their shortcomings and bear down upon them.  We try this and that method, we reason, we pray for God to "fix" them, we cry to our friends.  The child, instead of flourishing as she was meant to do, and being loved unconditionally and encouraged to maximize her gifts, becomes a project, one we are determined to execute perfectly...if only we knew what perfectly was...

With Vera, I'd like to see how far true encouragement goes.  I won't be falsely humble here.  I think that one of my spiritual gifts is the gift of encouragement - speaking words of life.  That is not to say that I won't discipline her, nor read parenting articles nor consult my friends.   Those are all helpful and necessary tools.  But if I can simply restrain myself, I'd like to not clobber her with parenting "stuff"...and just sit with her and observe her and listen to her, enjoying her  melodious voice and her sweet smile... and nudge her with as much gentleness and patience as the Lord will grant me.  I'd like to take as few positions on parenting techniques and methodology as I can.  I'd like to dream as few dreams for her as I can, and listen to her dreams instead.  I know I'll be tempted to "freak out" at some threat upon her or some criticism about my parenting, but I pray that to her, I will be a mother who understood her and who was there to help her walk in the way everlasting.

  


 

Holding Hands

Today was a busy one!  Lots of packing, lots of errands, lots of phone calls and coordination and discussion...but it was also supremely sweet.  We brought Vera over to our bed this morning after she awoke, and what did she do?  She told my right hand and Mike's right hand, and put them into one another.  I think she's getting the idea that we're her parents and that the primary function of our household is to teach her love :)

I had this plan devised in my head in order to maximize packing time today.  When Vera is exposed to new stimuli, she takes LONG naps after only a short exposure to said stimuli...probably because her brain has so much to process.  We decided to take her to the park after her morning nap (yes, she still takes morning naps), partially because it was a beautiful, clear day with azure skies...and partially because  we needed to pack...so we needed her to nap!  Here's the result of her first trip to a public park (I clarify because she's been to a private park in a community association before): 

The desired nap was achieved too, by the way :)

It sounds weird, but I suspect Vera might have the gifts of prophesy, evangelism or something like those.  Before she was born, she showed up in at least three of our friends and family's dreams and looked just as she does.  She also has this uncanny intuition about people and situations.  Mike and I were just talking about it as we were discussing what discipline methods to employ with her.  He also agrees that she's been exhibiting this almost preternatural form of social/emotional intelligence and timing.  When he's slightly upset, she crawls over to pat and hug him.  She crawls straight up to perfect strangers and starts "conversing" with them, usually prefaced by a "hey" to get their attention.  Well, these are things that parents hide in their hearts and observe carefully.  Very excited about what God has in store for her life, though!

Things I Learned from My Dad

Daddy came to visit over Christmas and stayed until New Year's Eve.  He taught me how to make wontons - the right way.  I always thought I was an expert wonton maker, having appropriated my mother's recipe into my repetoire, but it turns out that Dad is the true expert.  I always held to the ONE TRUE wonton recipe: 50% ground pork, 50% minced shrimp,cooking wine, salt and water until the concoction loses its viscosity.  Not so, my dad explained.  My paternal grandparents, for example, like only pork in theirs.  Others prefer chinese leeks and pork.  Some of the crazies even add chopped shitake mushrooms.  The heresy!  

Daddy also has a special way of wrapping the wonton. His wontons don't so much look like gold nuggets as they do a papal crown.  He achieves it by turning the seals packet of meat upside down and attaching the sides of the wrappers instead of the corners.  At least we think that's what he does.  My mom and I have been trying to figure it out for years and have only been able to make close approximations to his wontons.  It must be in the wrist.  

Next, my dad claims that while a percentage of everyone else's wontons get soggy or fall apart, his retain the perfect moisture balance and always stay intact.  He claims he learned this from a professional wonton chef on a business trip years ago.  He brings the water to a rolling boil, throws an entire batch of wontons in, waits until they return to a boil, dumps a large bowl of cold water in, covers and waits for the wontons to float and water to boil yet again.  Wherever he got this technique from, it sure produces results.  I would have to say that he has won our family's generations-long wonton-making contest.  This is from a man who can make steamed rice, but not porridge...who can make fried eggs but not scrambled...and that's about all he can make, beside perfect wontons, that is!

The Master Wonton Chef

I thoroughly enjoy my dad's presence.  He has a way of expressing himself that's inimitable.  My favorite word on this trip was "UNBELIEVABLE!"  Dad, I'd say, guess how much I got this new throw pillow for, or that razor.  I'd tell him, and he'd say "UNBELIEVABLE!" which sent me into a whirl of delight.  I felt like pumping my legs with joy, just like Vera does.

What this visit reminded me of is that I'm eager to please my parents. In Sunday School, we teach the children a simple principle: God placed us in families.  And yet what a profound reality that is.  He gave us people to spend our lives with day in and day out, that we might delight in one another's company, that we might come to appreciate all their intricate makeup, that we might learn to love.  A lover's relationship to his beloved, a child's relationship to her parent, and a parent's experience of her child, sustain us in a beautiful cycle of service and gratitude and love.  Kind of a God clue, no?  An uncannily trinitarian in nature - Tim Keller writes about the love and honor that is shared between the members of the Holy Trinity. How profound, and yet perfectly mundane and easily missed, are the ways in which God demonstrates His reality to us, that we might grasp the things of heaven.  

Anyway, so I want to please my father, both earthly and heavenly, because as I spend more and more time with each, I learn how much I truly love them and how much I appreciate their presence.  From my earthly father, I learn the attitude I am to cultivate with my heavenly father.  From my heavenly Father, I understand just how meaningful are my relationships here on earth, because they are a reflection of a greater reality.

What I did today:

Woke up, gorgeous day today!  crystal clear air...beautiful views of greenery and snow-capped mountains. First item on the agenda, new house stuff - day 1 of hardwood floors, french doors installed today, discussion with contractors etc. 

Brunch at Original Pancake House.  We found a location that serves my spinach & mushroom crepes with a side of four potato pancakes!  I've been ordering that menu item since my Chicago days and visiting Walker Bros Original Pancake House (same logo) on Green Bay Rd.  I've been looking for it for years at other Original Pancake House locations, and have been fruitless until today! It was AWESOME.  My favorite things wrapped into one.

To the bank on bank business with the family after brunch, then shopping.  Mike is hilarious when it comes to any form of shopping other than grocery shopping.  He gets all excited (and sincerely excited, I might add) about going out as a family to browse the deals, but within 20 min. of entering any non-food store, he develops a headache, dons this exhausted, lost expression and has nothing in mind but to get out as quickly as possible.  That's what happened today...AGAIN.  He says there are just too many options and variables to consider when shopping and he just shuts down from the tremendous detail of it all. HAHA.  I think it's really cute, and also, it makes me proud that I can provide for my family in a unique way that he finds challenging :) Well, we got a lot of great deals for the new house today.  We came home and packed a bit more and did chores.  I went back out to Target, CVS and Ralphs to take advantage of some great deals that are set to expire tomorrow. We bathed Vera together, played with her and put her to bed.  She didn't want to sleep, so Mike said to her, "Vera, if you say 'I love you,' Papa will get you out of bed."  And she did it!  She said "AHWOUVOU"  SO CLOSE!  I'm not sure about this bribery tactic, but she seemed really proud that she was able to make the sounds AND get out of bed for a few more minutes of play.  We've been trying to engage her in various ways so that she'll take an interest in learning.  It's tough because she's a strong-willed one and always has a project of her own to attend to...mmmm...sounds like me! GAAAA!

Back to Writing!

Yay!  Time for a little reflection on the overflowing cup that is my life.  What it's overflowing with is another questions (sorry, Mrs. Farris, for the dangling preposition).  

So many experiences I want to write about and so little time with which to do so well!  
Let's just start with the new year and work backwards from there until we get to the toy/clothing swap that happened before Thanksgiving!

Reflections on 2009:
Thankful for all that I learned to love more dearly this year:  my husband, my daughter, the life that we've built together, my extended family here, Southern California - which has gone from soulless desert to a wonderland in my mind during the course of the past six-and-a-half years...my life with God, my daily bread (okay, sometimes it's a big fat taco and maybe I'm a bit too thankful for it), my parents, my upbringing and personal constitution...so many things.


Stand out experiences: 
Too many Vera moments to count!  Just this past week, I had the joy of seeing her throw out her arms with joy and shout "MAMA!" as I walked into the room.  And again, while our family was out for gelato, I seated her on the counter and had one arm around her.  Having her little face next to my chest and looking up at me was just so amazing.  How did this wonderful creature come to be here, and how did she come to me of all people?  Did I ever share the childhood story of when we rented rooms for Mrs. Malone?  I was seven or eight and a lonely little girl.  Even though 93-year-old Mrs. Malone took a liking to me and voluntarily babysat me when I wasn't in school (and her maid prepared our lunches - root beer floats and oven baked french fries :), I could not have friends over to play (and honestly didn't have very many friends being a recent immigrant with funny clothes and a childhood stutter).  I loved the dollhouse she had bought me for my birthday and was inspired to design a miniature mansion myself (yes, already the budding architect).  I collected cardboard for weeks and constructed a nine or ten room ranch style mansion, complete with wallpaper I designed myself.  I moved my dollhouse furniture into it and placed it in the enclosed porch.  And for some reason, I was absolutely convinced that a little friendly fairy would arrive with the morning dew and live in that little house, and be my companion.  I was so convinced, in fact, that I left fresh water and crackers for her everyday for a month.  I remember feeling anxious that she might not be able to get into the porch when we had to hook the screen door for the night (simpler times back then).  Well, she never did come and eventually, I used the walls of that house for other art projects.  I've told Mike this story in the past.  One day a few months ago, he was watching me play with Vera, and he said to me, "Honey, your fairy came to live with you!"  She really did.



Filming the promo with Operation Christmas Child based on my blog posting was definitely a once-in-a-lifetime event and such so eye opening.  The whole thing was God-inspiring from start to finish.  I just happened to start a blog because of prenatal depression.  I just happened to have an idea for an in-lieu-of-birthdays-shoebox-packing-party.  We just happened to take photos that night. I just happened to look up OCC on a whim on Facebook and came across the blog contest.  I just happened to decide to write about the event against my initial inclination to keep my right and left hand separate :)  It just happened to work out for the broadcasting crew to come out to film us because we live so close to the OC Processing Center where a press event had been scheduled.  The entire experience from start (the shoebox party itself) to finish (the OCC press event and meeting Franklin Graham) was uplifting and awe-inspiring.  Getting to know our film crew was also such a blessing.


I've enjoyed the community of women I've gotten to build this year, from deepening bonds with existing friends, to meeting moms in random places and bonding, to spending more time at church and forming more relationships, to the mom's group I started for my condo community.  The concerns that we can all understand and the things that make us unique have been so interesting and engaging.


2010 Resolutions:
Well, I'm still working on those 10 lbs, which are now more like 15.  I'm going the exercise route more than I'm going to sacrifice eating.  Physically, I'd like to have more energy and lose the loose belly.  I'd like to reap mental/emotional benefits too.  


I'd like to cultivate my prayer life more, especially with regard to my immediate family.  I need to stop running sometimes and take care of what's most important.  It's like my hobby of finding good shopping deals.  Sometimes, I get a little annoyed at "having" to engage Vera when I'd rather be reading up on amazing deals online.  But obviously, I picked up this hobby in an effort to give her the best I could offer her.  If I want to take care of her physically/materially, how much more do I want what's best for her emotionally/spiritually?  It's obvious, but sometimes our brains get stuck :)  We're so used to checking off our list that we forget why we made the list in the first place! 


I'd like to be a better wife to my husband.  I'm not saying I'm a bad wife; in fact, I don't believe that I'm a delinquent wife.  However, I have been listening to Mike, and he sometimes feels as if he's not being heard or that I'm not taking his needs into account.  We both know that we try the best we can for each other, and that he is especially sensitive to issues of being considered, noticed and heard because of his birth order (middle).  This year, I'd like to find new ways to show him how important and unique he is.  One way that I've thought about is to pack him a special lunch whenever he doesn't have noon conference.  When he has overnight call, I sometimes pack him snacks that he likes and decorate the bag and add some little notes inside.  I think he appreciates these silly little gestures more than I can understand.  However, I'm thankful that through our marital work in 2009, he's felt much more free to express his needs and that our communication as a whole has dramatically improved.  


What I did today:
Woke up at my in-laws after staying there for the turn of the decade last night.  Came home, showered and changes, and headed to church for crafts.  After crafts, had lunch with Mike and Vera at home, did some chores and errands, talked to my parents on Skype, dropped Vera back off with the in-laws and went out with Mike to watch Sherlock Holmes...two thumbs up.  We hadn't been to the movies in months!  After the movie, picked up Vera, dropped off/picked up stuff from a friends, went on a fruitless search for green tea boba (the place we tried was closed for the holiday), came home, put Vera to bed and enjoyed a few hours of "me" time!  Mike gave me a quick neck massage - how good his touch feels!  I wonder if it's just me or if he just have gifted healing hands...I'm sure they feel especially good to me because I love him.