I want to start blogging again!

There's just the small issue of being what they call "too busy"!!!  I don't like being busy.  I liked being able to offer the ministry of availability to those around me.  Sigh...decisions decisions.  Well, the impending two-children situation is non-negotiable LOL.  The husband going into the residency thing is also non-negotiable.  Just need to PRI-ORI-TIZE!

A Direct Line

It was a week of miracles and a week of frustrations.  
Miracles first:
This sounds petty, like, "I went to the mall on a busy Saturday and prayed for a parking spot...," but I really do believe it was an answered prayer.
V and I left the house at 8:50 for a 9AM Women's Bible Study at the church.  I knew I wouldn't get there until right at 9 and that all the parking spots close to the church would be taken already, and we'd have to park across the street.  When we stepped outside the house, there was a chilly breeze blowing, so I prayed quickly, as I stuffed her into the car, that there would be a parking spot for us near the church, so she wouldn't be cold.  We got the church and what do you know?  There was a spot available for us right in front of church.  However, it was one of my "pet peeve" spots.  You know, the ones where an SUV driver has done a sloppy job and one of her wheels is on the line, leaving someone else to squeeze into the remainder of the adjoining spot.  Sigh.  Leave it to God to multitask.  He got me to get over my seriously petty issues in that moment, comprehend the spot as grace and take the grace.  JUST TAKE THE GRACE!  ...All the while taking care of my little girl's needs.  

The other miracle that happened involved V too, actually.  We have safety gates at top and bottom of our staircase at home.  Because of all the children who have come over and hung on those gates (all children we love, btw!), they no longer automatically swing to a locked position once you get through them.  You have to pull on the door to make sure it latches after you've passed through.  Well, I thought I was taking V upstairs for a nap one day, so I didn't do the double check of the gate.  She wasn't tired, however, so we started playing.  She went off into her loft/play area to do something, and I was in her room cleaning up some books.  I said something to her and when I didn't hear a response, I went out into the loft to look for her.  She wasn't there!  The next thing I know, she pokes her head out from behind the open gate as she is standing on the staircase landing!  She smiles and calmly walks back into the loft area.  I've read that toddlers, in child development studies, make their own safety assessments and listen to their parents' warnings only 50% of the time...and that they're not all that bad at assessing danger.  However, she's only 15 months old!  Either way, I'm grateful to the Lord that He kept Vera from falling down the stairs and/or He gave her good sense at an early age.  
In fact, I pretty much marvel everyday at the positions in which she falls as she toddles around.  Her head mostly seems to land in just such a way as to miss a door jamb or a protrusion of some toy.  Once, she fell and hit her head on our glass coffee table, but she landed on her chubby cheek!   That is not to say that we don't babyproof and don't run ourselves ragged chasing after her (we obviously do).  The sheer quantity and force of grace that He pours into each of our lives is utterly amazing - it reminds me that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (romans 8:28).

Then there were the frustrations...  
Through some administrative glitch, my health coverage was terminated.  I asked to be reinstated and was told it was being "reviewed"...for two months.  Well, anyone who has ever worked in an office knows that when things are being "reviewed," it means they are being "forgotten."  So the past few weeks have been spent sending reminder emails, calls, writing a letter pointing out the administrative inconsistency etc...all without reply.  There was that; then there was the floor issue.  A transition strip in our hardwood flooring downstairs had popped up because the glue holding it in place didn't bond correctly during installation.  The installers, who are a different company from the distributors, wanted me to call the distributors to work out the issue.  I called the distributors, who called the installers, who (true to their name), stalled.  I would not hear back from either of them, so again went the cycle.  I called the distributors, who called the installers, and no one would call me.  Thankfully, after an incredible amount of busy work, both of these issues have been resolved.  Last but not least, there was a the mortgage company.  I had a simple question about where to send our property tax invoice and was forced to wrestle the automated system to the ground before being transferred to a customer service rep.  We've all had those days...especially if you're a chief home economist, like I am :) ...the phone company, the credit card customer service line, the airline.  Funny thing was that at the end of the week, I had gratitude in my heart.  I am thankful that I have one direct line: God's.  He always personally takes my calls, at any time of day, whether I'm able to speak or not.  When He "reviews" things, I can be darn sure something amazing is brewing.  In Christ, I have access to His Throne, and not only that, but I am told to approach with confidence and boldness as a child would her own father.  Boldly, not because of my own riches and capabilities, but because of the immeasurable grace of God.  Hallelujah! 
 

Parties I'd Like to Throw

It's been too long since I've posted.  Moving into a new house seems to have required that I reevaluate and revamp all my routines (not necessarily a bad thing).  Also, it's just a lot of extra work that's hard to accomplish with a child stuck to one hip!  I miss you, oh Bloggy!  

Well, I started to keep track of some of Vera's new antics on the blog, but realized that there are so many everyday, as she enters toddlerhood, that it's hard for me to remember them all when I sit down to journal at night.  So I've started keeping a little paper journal open on my desk and jotting down the fun things she does throughout the day while the memory is still fresh.  It's funny that parents have this urge to record and document every little thing that their child does.  I wonder if it's a reflection of how God feels about us.  Scripture says that He hears us when we call and knows the number of hairs on our head.  It's very sweet (and humbling) to me to think about how my concern for Vera is just a very pale reflection of the love our Heavenly Father has for us.

So!  The parties!  I want to write this down to remind myself to have these little gatherings:
1.  A tea tasting party (or parties).  My parents know I love tea, so they brought me a full Kung Fu tea tasting set from China the last time they came West (really flying east...anyway...).  Kung Fu is a Chinese tea tasting ceremony and roughly translated, means Effort Tea...which is apt because the process takes a lot of work!  But I'm so excited to try it out.  I'm going to start out by inviting eight ladies because that's how many tasting cups I have, and depending on how it goes, invite eight more!


2.  A toy/clothing swap.  My friend and neighbor hosted one of these last year, and it was so much fun.  How it works is, every participant brings 15 items in good condition that her family no longer uses.  The hostess(es) lays everything out by category, and the day of the Swap, all the participants come and "shop" for whatever they want!  If it's a large event, then the planners might get to shop first and have to start out by taking only 15 items until everyone has had a turn.  With 5 to 10 ladies, it can just be a wonderful free for all!  My one experience with it was so much fun, and I got a lot of good parenting advice and ideas from chatting with the other ladies!


3.  A potty party.  This one is probably a little ways away, but I saw this idea while watching Huggies videos (was earning points in the Enjoy the Ride campaign).  Once a child is pretty much potty trained, you throw her a party.  It kind of reminds me of a baptism where she declares to the world that she is committed to being diaper-free HAHA.  I think, given the theme, this could be a lot of fun to plan :)


4.  Oh yeah, one more...the Victor Borge party.  That man is so talented and funny, he makes me cry from laughter and joy every time I watch his performances.  We got this 13-DVD set of all of his recorded work because Mike and I really believe in supporting the arts, especially giving access to classical music through public television.  Can't wait to huddle with other Victor Borge fans!

5.  Oh wait...I'm not done!  (Man, I'm going to be a busy bee).  I want to throw a Gigi Hill handbag party.  I've been attending my friend's parties and love the bags (own four of them now!).  They were created by two local female designers.  At first glance, they look like normal bags, but looking further into the detailing, proportions, use of space etc. reveals just how good the design really is.  I bought one of the large handbag/totes to use as Vera's diaper bag as a gift to myself when I was expecting her and have gotten countless compliments.  Designerly, sensible bags without outrageous price points: where's the "like" button?

6.  An Easter Party!  My #1 favorite holiday of the year!  Also can't wait to snap photos of Vera and her little friends in their Sunday best :)
  

Yesterday (2/4): V reached up and turned light switch off.  Too short to turn it back on.  Very proud of herself indeed!  I love that proud "I did it!" smile of hers.
Repeated "Puffffff" after me, because she wanted her Gerber veggie crunchies.
Figured out that the source of her tantrums is the fact that she wants formula during the day instead of solely before and after her night sleep - just misses the milky!

Notable Milestones.

Today, V stood on her own.  Her dad looked up and found her standing all by herself in the middle of the room, which means that she got herself upright from the floor.  She also stacked two blocks on top of a block I'd placed on the floor. 

More Notes to Self

Things that Vera has been doing recently.  

I think we have the empathy issue settled.  She is reciprocating at an amazing rate.  In the past week, she has spontaneously:

• Offered me her chewed food (I used to cut up food with my teeth and give it to her) 

• Picked my nose (like I still do for her)

• "Read" me a book (very articulately for baby babble, I might add, all the while pointing to the words and pictures like she really knew what she was talking about)

• Responded to my "No, Vera!  Don't rip up Mommy's coupons" by crying a little and then thinking better of it, and offering them to me intact for filing instead.

• "Blown" both of us kisses (hand over mouth and then "mmmmmmmm" for a long time before she lets it go).  Attempted the phrase "I love you" several times.

• She likes to bite our fingers (especially her father's ever since she was a newborn), but now she offers us her fingers to bite.  She probably thinks we would enjoy it too :)
  

Other things she's started to do:

• Associations.  I read her "Duckling's First Spring" today, and afterward, she led me to her bathroom sink where her rubber duckies were sitting.  It also knows that the book "What's Wrong, Little Pookie" was not "Let's Dance, Little Pookie" but LOOKED like it.  When I started reading the wrong book, she went over to her bookshelf and retrieved the right book.
  
• Nod "yes" and shake "no".  Mike taught her to nod after we noticed that she was shaking her head to anything that sounded like a question.  That's probably because we say "nono, Vera!" so often.  Now, she nods yes to almost everything (e.g. "will you promise to obey Momma forever" *nod nod nod*)  ...except for things that she really doesn't want to do (e.g. "Vera, are you tired?  Is it sleepy time?" *shake shake shake*).  The funny thing is that when she nods, instead of nodding her head alone, the weight of her head "nods" her entire torso to and fro.  HAHA!
• The fine motor skills in her hands are quite amazing.  She is figuring out switches and knobs and can manipulate very thin pages gently (when she wants).  However, she still refuses to walk.  She likes to hold my hands and "walk" with me, but as soon as I start to let go or back up an inch to give her a chance to be freestanding, she becomes distressed and grabs hold of me.  I think it's perhaps more emotional than physical.  Yes, she is a very dense baby (lbs/cubic in), but I think it has more to do with her just wanting to be held by me a little longer.  She seems to think that if she stands and walks by herself, I'll stop picking her up or "chasing" her around on all fours.  It might also be fear.  She was not too fond of the swings at the park, but then again, she still dives off of our bed and sofas head first.  
• All four front upon teeth came in at once in December, just as the four bottom ones came in all at once in August. 
  
• Vera's still an incredibly social person.  At the Mission Expo last Sunday, she was carried through the very crowded church gym by a myriad of people (all people we knew, not to worry), who were "showing" her to myriads of other people.  She was as happy as a clam and totally chill despite having been awake and at church for five straight hours.  She even rode home with my friends who had a car seat in their car, because I needed to stay for tear down of our booth.  By their account, she was laughing with the their kids all the way to our house and then played with them until I got home an hour later.  This social intuition is definitely one of her spiritual gifts.  This week, I'm interviewing prospective Yale students for admission, and if she is awake when they come by, she cruises or crawls straight up to them and asks to be picked up with her "up" sign
• Another spiritual gift I think she has is joy.  She jokes around!  She has several toy phones and likes to imitate me by holding them up to her ear and saying "hewo? Beh beh beh Blah" copying my inflections.  Sometimes, she even pretends to multitask while she's on the phone LOL.  Then, she'll hand the phone to me with a smile, and I'm expected to speak on the phone.  Of course, I tell the "person" on the other end how wonderful and beautiful Vera is.  Sometimes, she'll joke with us by putting something to her ear that is clearly not a phone, like a set of keys or her hand.  Then she'll do her little babbly act and crack herself up!  It is seriously SO funny.  I really need to capture these precious times on the camcorder.  We're just so enthralled by her big little personality that we lose track of everything else!  I pray that the Lord jealousy guards these gifts He has worked in her, that He will let nothing tarnish them and that He would guide us as we husband them.  

 Which brings me to the topic of parenting.  I think I'm finally coming into a parenting style of my own...specific to Vera, of course.  It's timely because recent articles in Parents and Parenting have written featurs on the phenomenon of helicopter parents -those parents whose identities are so wrapped up in their children that they can't bear to let their children do hardly anything lest they should have their little egos bruised or get swatted at by another child... or touch a germ.  Well, it's pretty easy to agree that some of that behavior can be egregious and harmful to a child's development.  However, I think that it's just as prevalent in Christian circles, among people who are called to have faith.  I think the genesis of much overparenting is fear.  We are afraid of the physical and emotional dangers that our children face.  We are afraid of the big bad world and all the nasty things it might teach our children.  We are afraid of our own inabilities and inadequacies.  We are afraid of our divine accountability to raise these children right.  I think another factor is desire.  We desire to be that Proverbs 31 woman; then, we might be proud of ourselves and more contented with who we are.  We desire to have blessings and honor showered upon our children;  if we do things just so, then maybe their lives will be oh so much happier than ours.  I won't go into all the motives behind such desires, good and bad.  The point is that we are at once seeking and avoiding to such a degree that we start turning to this method and that training program and those discipline techniques.  We take stands, we talk to other moms, we enroll in parenting classes, we read blogs.  We are so wrapped up in our parenting that we miss the child completely.  We fail to see her loving nature manifested on that divinely wrought face.  We fail to listen to her questions and her musings, even if they are, at present, incomprehensible.  In our effort to "feel in control" as parents, we fail in our role as the "guides" we were called to be.  Instead of raising them up in the Lord, we obssess over their shortcomings and bear down upon them.  We try this and that method, we reason, we pray for God to "fix" them, we cry to our friends.  The child, instead of flourishing as she was meant to do, and being loved unconditionally and encouraged to maximize her gifts, becomes a project, one we are determined to execute perfectly...if only we knew what perfectly was...

With Vera, I'd like to see how far true encouragement goes.  I won't be falsely humble here.  I think that one of my spiritual gifts is the gift of encouragement - speaking words of life.  That is not to say that I won't discipline her, nor read parenting articles nor consult my friends.   Those are all helpful and necessary tools.  But if I can simply restrain myself, I'd like to not clobber her with parenting "stuff"...and just sit with her and observe her and listen to her, enjoying her  melodious voice and her sweet smile... and nudge her with as much gentleness and patience as the Lord will grant me.  I'd like to take as few positions on parenting techniques and methodology as I can.  I'd like to dream as few dreams for her as I can, and listen to her dreams instead.  I know I'll be tempted to "freak out" at some threat upon her or some criticism about my parenting, but I pray that to her, I will be a mother who understood her and who was there to help her walk in the way everlasting.

  


 

Holding Hands

Today was a busy one!  Lots of packing, lots of errands, lots of phone calls and coordination and discussion...but it was also supremely sweet.  We brought Vera over to our bed this morning after she awoke, and what did she do?  She told my right hand and Mike's right hand, and put them into one another.  I think she's getting the idea that we're her parents and that the primary function of our household is to teach her love :)

I had this plan devised in my head in order to maximize packing time today.  When Vera is exposed to new stimuli, she takes LONG naps after only a short exposure to said stimuli...probably because her brain has so much to process.  We decided to take her to the park after her morning nap (yes, she still takes morning naps), partially because it was a beautiful, clear day with azure skies...and partially because  we needed to pack...so we needed her to nap!  Here's the result of her first trip to a public park (I clarify because she's been to a private park in a community association before): 

The desired nap was achieved too, by the way :)

It sounds weird, but I suspect Vera might have the gifts of prophesy, evangelism or something like those.  Before she was born, she showed up in at least three of our friends and family's dreams and looked just as she does.  She also has this uncanny intuition about people and situations.  Mike and I were just talking about it as we were discussing what discipline methods to employ with her.  He also agrees that she's been exhibiting this almost preternatural form of social/emotional intelligence and timing.  When he's slightly upset, she crawls over to pat and hug him.  She crawls straight up to perfect strangers and starts "conversing" with them, usually prefaced by a "hey" to get their attention.  Well, these are things that parents hide in their hearts and observe carefully.  Very excited about what God has in store for her life, though!

Things I Learned from My Dad

Daddy came to visit over Christmas and stayed until New Year's Eve.  He taught me how to make wontons - the right way.  I always thought I was an expert wonton maker, having appropriated my mother's recipe into my repetoire, but it turns out that Dad is the true expert.  I always held to the ONE TRUE wonton recipe: 50% ground pork, 50% minced shrimp,cooking wine, salt and water until the concoction loses its viscosity.  Not so, my dad explained.  My paternal grandparents, for example, like only pork in theirs.  Others prefer chinese leeks and pork.  Some of the crazies even add chopped shitake mushrooms.  The heresy!  

Daddy also has a special way of wrapping the wonton. His wontons don't so much look like gold nuggets as they do a papal crown.  He achieves it by turning the seals packet of meat upside down and attaching the sides of the wrappers instead of the corners.  At least we think that's what he does.  My mom and I have been trying to figure it out for years and have only been able to make close approximations to his wontons.  It must be in the wrist.  

Next, my dad claims that while a percentage of everyone else's wontons get soggy or fall apart, his retain the perfect moisture balance and always stay intact.  He claims he learned this from a professional wonton chef on a business trip years ago.  He brings the water to a rolling boil, throws an entire batch of wontons in, waits until they return to a boil, dumps a large bowl of cold water in, covers and waits for the wontons to float and water to boil yet again.  Wherever he got this technique from, it sure produces results.  I would have to say that he has won our family's generations-long wonton-making contest.  This is from a man who can make steamed rice, but not porridge...who can make fried eggs but not scrambled...and that's about all he can make, beside perfect wontons, that is!

The Master Wonton Chef

I thoroughly enjoy my dad's presence.  He has a way of expressing himself that's inimitable.  My favorite word on this trip was "UNBELIEVABLE!"  Dad, I'd say, guess how much I got this new throw pillow for, or that razor.  I'd tell him, and he'd say "UNBELIEVABLE!" which sent me into a whirl of delight.  I felt like pumping my legs with joy, just like Vera does.

What this visit reminded me of is that I'm eager to please my parents. In Sunday School, we teach the children a simple principle: God placed us in families.  And yet what a profound reality that is.  He gave us people to spend our lives with day in and day out, that we might delight in one another's company, that we might come to appreciate all their intricate makeup, that we might learn to love.  A lover's relationship to his beloved, a child's relationship to her parent, and a parent's experience of her child, sustain us in a beautiful cycle of service and gratitude and love.  Kind of a God clue, no?  An uncannily trinitarian in nature - Tim Keller writes about the love and honor that is shared between the members of the Holy Trinity. How profound, and yet perfectly mundane and easily missed, are the ways in which God demonstrates His reality to us, that we might grasp the things of heaven.  

Anyway, so I want to please my father, both earthly and heavenly, because as I spend more and more time with each, I learn how much I truly love them and how much I appreciate their presence.  From my earthly father, I learn the attitude I am to cultivate with my heavenly father.  From my heavenly Father, I understand just how meaningful are my relationships here on earth, because they are a reflection of a greater reality.

What I did today:

Woke up, gorgeous day today!  crystal clear air...beautiful views of greenery and snow-capped mountains. First item on the agenda, new house stuff - day 1 of hardwood floors, french doors installed today, discussion with contractors etc. 

Brunch at Original Pancake House.  We found a location that serves my spinach & mushroom crepes with a side of four potato pancakes!  I've been ordering that menu item since my Chicago days and visiting Walker Bros Original Pancake House (same logo) on Green Bay Rd.  I've been looking for it for years at other Original Pancake House locations, and have been fruitless until today! It was AWESOME.  My favorite things wrapped into one.

To the bank on bank business with the family after brunch, then shopping.  Mike is hilarious when it comes to any form of shopping other than grocery shopping.  He gets all excited (and sincerely excited, I might add) about going out as a family to browse the deals, but within 20 min. of entering any non-food store, he develops a headache, dons this exhausted, lost expression and has nothing in mind but to get out as quickly as possible.  That's what happened today...AGAIN.  He says there are just too many options and variables to consider when shopping and he just shuts down from the tremendous detail of it all. HAHA.  I think it's really cute, and also, it makes me proud that I can provide for my family in a unique way that he finds challenging :) Well, we got a lot of great deals for the new house today.  We came home and packed a bit more and did chores.  I went back out to Target, CVS and Ralphs to take advantage of some great deals that are set to expire tomorrow. We bathed Vera together, played with her and put her to bed.  She didn't want to sleep, so Mike said to her, "Vera, if you say 'I love you,' Papa will get you out of bed."  And she did it!  She said "AHWOUVOU"  SO CLOSE!  I'm not sure about this bribery tactic, but she seemed really proud that she was able to make the sounds AND get out of bed for a few more minutes of play.  We've been trying to engage her in various ways so that she'll take an interest in learning.  It's tough because she's a strong-willed one and always has a project of her own to attend to...mmmm...sounds like me! GAAAA!

Back to Writing!

Yay!  Time for a little reflection on the overflowing cup that is my life.  What it's overflowing with is another questions (sorry, Mrs. Farris, for the dangling preposition).  

So many experiences I want to write about and so little time with which to do so well!  
Let's just start with the new year and work backwards from there until we get to the toy/clothing swap that happened before Thanksgiving!

Reflections on 2009:
Thankful for all that I learned to love more dearly this year:  my husband, my daughter, the life that we've built together, my extended family here, Southern California - which has gone from soulless desert to a wonderland in my mind during the course of the past six-and-a-half years...my life with God, my daily bread (okay, sometimes it's a big fat taco and maybe I'm a bit too thankful for it), my parents, my upbringing and personal constitution...so many things.


Stand out experiences: 
Too many Vera moments to count!  Just this past week, I had the joy of seeing her throw out her arms with joy and shout "MAMA!" as I walked into the room.  And again, while our family was out for gelato, I seated her on the counter and had one arm around her.  Having her little face next to my chest and looking up at me was just so amazing.  How did this wonderful creature come to be here, and how did she come to me of all people?  Did I ever share the childhood story of when we rented rooms for Mrs. Malone?  I was seven or eight and a lonely little girl.  Even though 93-year-old Mrs. Malone took a liking to me and voluntarily babysat me when I wasn't in school (and her maid prepared our lunches - root beer floats and oven baked french fries :), I could not have friends over to play (and honestly didn't have very many friends being a recent immigrant with funny clothes and a childhood stutter).  I loved the dollhouse she had bought me for my birthday and was inspired to design a miniature mansion myself (yes, already the budding architect).  I collected cardboard for weeks and constructed a nine or ten room ranch style mansion, complete with wallpaper I designed myself.  I moved my dollhouse furniture into it and placed it in the enclosed porch.  And for some reason, I was absolutely convinced that a little friendly fairy would arrive with the morning dew and live in that little house, and be my companion.  I was so convinced, in fact, that I left fresh water and crackers for her everyday for a month.  I remember feeling anxious that she might not be able to get into the porch when we had to hook the screen door for the night (simpler times back then).  Well, she never did come and eventually, I used the walls of that house for other art projects.  I've told Mike this story in the past.  One day a few months ago, he was watching me play with Vera, and he said to me, "Honey, your fairy came to live with you!"  She really did.



Filming the promo with Operation Christmas Child based on my blog posting was definitely a once-in-a-lifetime event and such so eye opening.  The whole thing was God-inspiring from start to finish.  I just happened to start a blog because of prenatal depression.  I just happened to have an idea for an in-lieu-of-birthdays-shoebox-packing-party.  We just happened to take photos that night. I just happened to look up OCC on a whim on Facebook and came across the blog contest.  I just happened to decide to write about the event against my initial inclination to keep my right and left hand separate :)  It just happened to work out for the broadcasting crew to come out to film us because we live so close to the OC Processing Center where a press event had been scheduled.  The entire experience from start (the shoebox party itself) to finish (the OCC press event and meeting Franklin Graham) was uplifting and awe-inspiring.  Getting to know our film crew was also such a blessing.


I've enjoyed the community of women I've gotten to build this year, from deepening bonds with existing friends, to meeting moms in random places and bonding, to spending more time at church and forming more relationships, to the mom's group I started for my condo community.  The concerns that we can all understand and the things that make us unique have been so interesting and engaging.


2010 Resolutions:
Well, I'm still working on those 10 lbs, which are now more like 15.  I'm going the exercise route more than I'm going to sacrifice eating.  Physically, I'd like to have more energy and lose the loose belly.  I'd like to reap mental/emotional benefits too.  


I'd like to cultivate my prayer life more, especially with regard to my immediate family.  I need to stop running sometimes and take care of what's most important.  It's like my hobby of finding good shopping deals.  Sometimes, I get a little annoyed at "having" to engage Vera when I'd rather be reading up on amazing deals online.  But obviously, I picked up this hobby in an effort to give her the best I could offer her.  If I want to take care of her physically/materially, how much more do I want what's best for her emotionally/spiritually?  It's obvious, but sometimes our brains get stuck :)  We're so used to checking off our list that we forget why we made the list in the first place! 


I'd like to be a better wife to my husband.  I'm not saying I'm a bad wife; in fact, I don't believe that I'm a delinquent wife.  However, I have been listening to Mike, and he sometimes feels as if he's not being heard or that I'm not taking his needs into account.  We both know that we try the best we can for each other, and that he is especially sensitive to issues of being considered, noticed and heard because of his birth order (middle).  This year, I'd like to find new ways to show him how important and unique he is.  One way that I've thought about is to pack him a special lunch whenever he doesn't have noon conference.  When he has overnight call, I sometimes pack him snacks that he likes and decorate the bag and add some little notes inside.  I think he appreciates these silly little gestures more than I can understand.  However, I'm thankful that through our marital work in 2009, he's felt much more free to express his needs and that our communication as a whole has dramatically improved.  


What I did today:
Woke up at my in-laws after staying there for the turn of the decade last night.  Came home, showered and changes, and headed to church for crafts.  After crafts, had lunch with Mike and Vera at home, did some chores and errands, talked to my parents on Skype, dropped Vera back off with the in-laws and went out with Mike to watch Sherlock Holmes...two thumbs up.  We hadn't been to the movies in months!  After the movie, picked up Vera, dropped off/picked up stuff from a friends, went on a fruitless search for green tea boba (the place we tried was closed for the holiday), came home, put Vera to bed and enjoyed a few hours of "me" time!  Mike gave me a quick neck massage - how good his touch feels!  I wonder if it's just me or if he just have gifted healing hands...I'm sure they feel especially good to me because I love him. 

Notes to Self

Vera learned to drink from a twisty straw tonight by imitating her Daddy!  On top of that, she was drinking chocolate milk with her Chick-fil-A chicken strips kids meal.  Sooooo cute, those apple cheeks and ruby lips all puckered up!  Eatin' like a pro :)  We're not sure she's aware that her caloric needs will decrease in this next year.  We'll see if her weight starts flying off the charts and then step in if necessary HAHA.


Other cool "tricks" she knows now:

• "yeh-yeh-yeh" - calling Her YeYe (Grandpa), especially when she's in trouble...like when Mama's trying to hold her to take a nap.  This is a relief bec/ Mike and I were concerned that she has only been fixated on four different words "Ma-ma" "Da-da" (and the variant Da-Dee) "Nein-nein" and "Pa-pa" this past month...and that's only one or two vowels.  She had more vowels than that when she started vocalizing at three months.  But just this past week, her babbling's become much more varied :)  Yes, the travails we paranoid parents endure!
  

• Clap-clap-clap...pray (clasp hands together) - taught to her by her Gpa&Gma!

• When at the piano, press one key at a time rather than banging on a bunch

• How to open the yellow door on her knob toy!  It's a toy that lets the baby manipulate five different types of switches (side-to-side, up and down, teeter-totter, button and turnkey).  A different animal pops up with each switch.  She used to only be able to manipulate the button, but now she can do the teeter-totter one (I'm sure there's a better name for it). 
 

• Her upper teeth are FINALLY coming in.  Her lower teeth erupted right after her Gma Lily and Great Gma Diana left at the beginning of August.  And all four lower front teeth came in at the same time.  We thought the upper two would soon follow, but we waited months and nothing!  It seems like she's been working hard on them, though, because all four front teeth are appearing at the same time.  Haha!  Always making an entrance!

Missing Music

Vera's first birthday party is on Saturday.  My husband and I, as usual, selected an esoteric theme for it: music.  What can be done?  We're conceptual people.  After all kinds of (positive) madness this past month, I finally cleared time to buckle down and get to planning the event this week.  Thankfully, Evite is so user-friendly that at least the invites got sent out ahead of time!

This morning, Vera's grandparents were gracious enough to babysit her for the day while I tried to make the bulk of my purchases for the party.  Local grandparents - what a blessing!  I carefully combed through the Teacher Supply store by our house (that place is such an educational wonderland - I can't wait until V gets a little older...I know, you're thinking "poor Vera!").  Anyway, I was able to locate some educational music posters and music note cut-outs in the remote corners of the store.  The selection at the next stop, Party City, proved even more meager-mostly inappropriate 50's, 70's, 80's, Idol music themed adult party equipment.

When I finally got to Michael's, I was hopeful.  "It's Christmas season," I thought, "There are bound to be angels with trumpets and harps and all kinds of representations of heavenly music from the Christmas story."  What I found were styrofoam holly with plastic leaves, lots of bears dressed up in scarves and hats, smiley snowmen, and candy galore.  Not a single trumpet, harp or bell in sight, and this was a big Michael's in the city of Irvine!

I could write about how music education and appreciation has degenerated into Top 10 Lists and American Idol, but I won't.  What saddened me far more was the loss of Christmas.  I wondered as I wandered (get it? HAHA), what sense of awe children in today's relativistic, humanistic society, could possibly glean from celebrating Christmas.  Dressed up bears and men in red suits, with lots of candy in the mix, amounts to nothing but the American Halloween - a novel opportunity to dress ourselves up and indulge in some escapist behavior.  But Christmas!  Christmas is about the wonder of a star shining SO brightly that it impressed shepherds who regularly navigated by the stars.   It is a night when the heavens opened up and music poured forth in joyful heavenly chorus.  It is about a flurry of angelic messengers, appearing left and right in the years and months leading up to that night.  It is about the ancient wisdom and divine revelation that somehow led three sages from the Far East to a small town in the Middle East, seeking a King laid in a barn.  Ultimately, it is about a love so strong, that the Lover could no longer bear to be apart from His Beloved.  Instead, He willed to humble Himself and suffer this earthly existence in order to take away her burden of ages past.  Christmas is no escape.  It is no bandage temporarily applied to our weary lives.  It offers life itself to those who will look upon it's mystery and beauty.  By comparison, how paltry and lifeless was the scene at Michael's today!  Why do we trade the privilege of looking upon heaven itself for street scenes and plaster snowflakes?  I don't know, but I'd better ask myself what plaster snowflakes I'm clutching while missing the real deal.

I'm off to bed.  Have I completed my 10 Things I'm Thankful for Today list yet?  (For those following the Depression/Anxiety strain of this blog, this is another very powerful tool)  Let's see, I'm thankful for 1) Music 2) Local Grandparents 3) Evite, Blogspot and other handy Internet tools 4) Our local Teacher Supply Store (hoping it stays in business for a long time!) 5) Herald Angels singing 6) Shepherds who Heard on High 7) Christ Away in a  manger 8) [They] Three Kings of Orient 9) What came Upon a Midnight Clear 10) and finally, the beauty I get to witness every day in the people and earth around me.

Don't worry about Vera's party.  It's going to be a blast.  I managed to cull together lots of supplies, and we're going to have a Wish Book Station; a Make-Vera-a-Future-Bday-Card station (so she has a card made on her first bday every year until she's 18); a Photo Station; a Musical Play Area and lots of great food, and even more fun activities and games.  My family and I are really excited for Saturday!

 

New Milestones

These little apple seek is growing so fast!  Today, Vera started "giving" things to us.  When we prompt her with "Vera, can you give Papa the block?"  She smiles and offers it.  Then we call clap and laugh!  She loves it.  I have a feeling I'm going to be offered all kinds of random objects in the days to come :)
V seems more confident in her communication skills.  She's been mimicking a lot of gestures, from clap-clap-clap-"pray" (intertwine fingers) to "up up" (pointing toward the ceiling) when she wants to be liberated from some place.  We're waiting for her to start saying new syllables beyond da-da, ma-ma, nein-nein, pa-pa, da-dy.  I love how when she's frustrated sometimes, she lets out a big GAAAAH!  hahahaha.  It seems like she had more vowels in her between 3-6 months, but that was probably not conscious on her part.  At 3 months, we could have sworn that she imitated the sounds for "I LOVE you" several times.  No matter; we're just so excited about communicating with her in greater depths!  


I'm so busy these days, I need to write a blog about the blogs I want to write!

I'd like to blog about our family's experience filming the Operation Christmas Child video and meeting Franklin Graham.

I'd like to blog about developments in our marriage.  

I wanted to start writing some reflections and meditations on Scripture readings.


I'd like to blog about all the cool new online resources I've been using - including the free MP3 downloads available from Amazon!  


But first, need to get through V's 1st Bday, Christmas shopping and moving house...all of which I'll probably want to blog about.  Gaaaah!  Blog backlog!

I Rocked the Day!

I don't hear about this happening very often, but IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME!!!  Everything just click, click, clicked into place today!  Get a load of this:

Wake up.  Vera's a morning person as usual.  We get ready, load the car, and arrive at Gma/Gpa's by 8:30AM.  The driver's side rear tire has been leaking air for the past two days, and I was wondering how far I would get on it.  We made it, and the Mazda dealership right by the house agreed to take it in by 9 and have it done by 10AM.  

By 10:10AM, Vera, Gma and I were cruising to get V her H1n1 vaccine, which I had been unable to find anywhere until I just happened to mention it to a friend of a friend at a toy swap (more about that later).  A random pediatric office in Ladera Ranch has them stocked and is giving them out to the community!  By 11:30AM, we were headed north for lunch at a low key but yummy noodle and small eats place with V's grandparents.  

By 1:00PM, I had already called and faxed our mortgage company, thus completing the paperwork for our loan mod.  I even had five minutes to sit in the car and contemplate how much I admire cattails.  Tangent alert.  Last night, I read an article in Redbook Mag about self-reflection, and one of the pointers was to think about the people to whom you are grateful as a clue into what you may want to become.  Well, I decided today, while sitting in the car waiting for V to wake up from her nap, that I wanted to be like a cattail.  They're beautiful in a very natural way, not painted ladies, not loud, not huge/not tiny.  They just are what they are.  If you think about it, they're kind of funny looking, all fuzzy and brownish-purple, but they communicate simplicity and grace and beauty all the same.  I like how their fuzziness kind of filters sunlight and plays with it.  I'd like to be that way God's light.  I enjoy their flexibility, how they sway and dance with the breezes.  Finally, I like how they like one another.  I've never seen a solitary cattail.  In fact, that would probably not be very attractive.  But a nice, big healthy outcropping of cattails provides solace and mirth in the middle of the day.  Take note: Luan would like to grow in cattail-ness.

After Vera woke up, we went  back into Gma/Gpa's house, and she bonded with them while I ran some errands.  Gas, bank and then off to the City of Anaheim to pull a building permit for our loft addition.  The plans were approved on Monday, and I had to sign some paperwork and pay the fee before we can start demo at the house.  I've not a huge fan of government buildings, and the wait at the Bldg. Dept. counter was more than an hour.  The sterile environment, the lack of ventilation, the tedium (forgot to bring interesting reading), the questionable customer service, made me associate it with prison.  I'm sure prison is far far worse than a well run Building Dept. in a large city; I'm just spoiled.   Anyway, the permit thing had to be done, and it got done.  I was glad to be out of there.  

Got back to Gma/Gpa's at 4:30PM, and found my lovey taking her afternoon nap.  I got to curl up next to her for a good hour's nap.  Drove home at 6PM with dinner from Gma in the backseat and a clean load of laundry (our washer is broken; a new one's on its way).  My man had just arrived home as well, and the three of us had our usual dinner with updates.  I told Mike that Vera is now signing "more" and "ball", but she does both the signs by clapping her hands...which looks exactly like...clapping her hands.  So... not sure if we made any progress on that front :) 

After dinner, Dad and Vera got some bonding time, while I went off to Target to pick up my prescription and do some shopping.  As per the general blessedness of the day, my doctor had faithfully called in my Synthroid (good thing, because I had taken the last one in the morning and tomorrow is Turkey Day), and I ended up spending $30 on $60 of necessities.  I'm especially proud of this deal I put together for Nivea products.  I had a coupon for B1G1 Nivea Q10 Lip Therapy.  I stacked that with a $1 off Nivea Target coupon.  On top of that, I had another coupon that said that if I buy three Nivea Lip Therapy products, I'd get a free 13.5oz full size Nivea Body Lotion.  The bonus is that I'd already been using Nivea Q10 Lip Therapy, and it's great product.  In the end, I got $20 worth of Nivea products for $5.50.   Be on the look out for deals like that!  If you see a lot of different coupons for a single product line, clip them all, and chances are that you're about to get a great deal!  

After Target, I was onto church at 8:15PM.  Our family is part of a care team for two missionary friends in Costa Rica, and the team is putting on a tamale sale to bolster their finances (that is my kind of sale).  Sales start on Saturday, but we will be in San Francisco, and my task was to decorate the info board.  I got the Cricut out and started making die-cuts.  Everything was up, I'm happy with how it turned out, and I was home by 10PM.  Phew!  What a day! Glad that tomorrow will be more celebrating and less about work!  Although I would not and could not do this everyday, I'm so thankful for my full and varied life, and everyone in it.  Thanks, dear Lord, for blessing me with favor, efficiency, insight and love today!  Love You.

Thankful List: Monday

It's Thanksgiving week, so I'm going to list ten things I'm thankful for every day this week (we'll see how consistent I can be):


1. The sound of Vera's hearty laugh.  Most wonderful sound ever!
2. Mike's steadfast heart. 

3. My neighborhood - reflects a dedicated group of individuals.
4. My church body - sweet fellowship that melts away all anxiety.
5. The fact that we really can make a difference in this life.  That there are lessons to be learned.  That we were designed to contribute to this world.  That there really is meaning and purpose. 
6. Tamales - especially the green kind with chicken.
7. Being able to stay home for my daughter's first year and enjoy her friendship.
8. Skype - lets me stay close to my parents; allows us to converse with our missionaries.
9. The message of the Christian Gospel.  Truth, grace and consequences.
10. Cattails - one of my favorite plants to look at :)

Lots of Free Samples Today!

Free Samples I read about today:
Hellman, Pond's, Degree Body Mist,  Caress Samples
http://www.vivemejor.com/JustForYou.aspx?NavID=22&CultureCode=en-US

Free Samples for True Lemon Water Flavoring
http://www.truelemon.com/sample.cfm 

Free Sample of Underjams  (I like to have random stuff on hand; believe it or not, comes in handy!)

http://www.underjams.com/bedwetting-children/free_sample.php?locale=US

Become a friend of Philosophy on Facebook then click on the blue button that says "Go To Application" just under the profile page.  Fill out form and get a FREE sample of Gingerbread Shower Gel. 

Products I like (teehee):
Del Taco Coupon B1G1 Big Fat Chicken Taco
http://www.deltaco.com/print_coupon.html

$2/1 Healthy Choice
http://www.healthychoice.com/?WT.mc_id=HC_120x600_SMC_Pumpkin_coupon&WT.mc_ev=click

$1/1 Puffs Coupon
http://www.puffs.com/en_US/coupon/coupon-registration.php

Random things I want to remember

1. I made brussel sprouts taste good tonight.  I had randomly memorized Chef Cat Cora's recipe from Sunday's Parade magazine, and tried it today because the b sprouts were on sale at Henry's.  It was easy - Blanch first.  Then use butter instead of olive oil to stir fry.  Add some salt.  Move away from heat and add capers and black pepper.  Quite yummy!

2.  Vera is starting to obey simple commands...when she wants to.  She started doing this on Monday, 11/16.  I asked her to bring me her toy keys from across the room, she grabbed them and crawled over to me with them in her hand.   She's also responded positively to, "Can Momma have a kissy?"  I love that proud smile she shows when she communicates effectively.  It clearly exhibits the verve that she has for life and says, "I did it!  This. is. AWESOME!".  I pray that she smiles like that, as least on the inside, for the rest of her life.  I'm excited to be communicating with her on this new level.  Soon, we'll be diving into deep discussions about Scripture and literature, and men (and how very strange they are)!  It's also a good reminder for Mike and I to watch what we say.  We knew that babies are aware of far more than they let on, so we've been careful with our tone of voice etc., but now it's clear that she understands the meaning of our language.  Time to figure out more nuanced words to use in place of certain ideas we want to express (e.g. "let's not give the 'innocent' any of this food").  

But with Vera right now, it's all about volition.  When she wants to be sweet, she's incredibly sweet, and when she wants to be fussy, watch out! And man, can that girl get fixated!  You can turn her around and try to distract her away from something that she's eying ten times in a row, but she will just turn right back around and go for it again.  I'm telling myself that this could be a good thing in the long run with some proper channeling.  

Signing has also improved lately, she's added "up" to her repertoire and signs it often, because she is always on the move.  Not a dull moment for her!
Music seems definitely in her blood.  She claps, dances and waves to the beat of the music in the house.  Today, she turned on her Mozart Cube and started conducting!  It looked just right, with both arms waving to the rhythm.  With the strength of her voice, I think my baby girl might be an opera singer...not that I'm trying to live vicariously through my daughter!  It's hard to balance life as a performer.  

3.  My man is awesome.  He got home today around 4PM, because they let him off early from the hospital (no more ambulatory patients).  He comes home, warms up to me with lots of cute little quips and hugs, listens and shares all the news of the day, changes out of his work clothes, grabs Vera and plays with her while I deal with his sister's wedding issues, calls my mom on Skype when I ask him to (because I'm busy making dinner) and fixes the webcam on my computer when it malfunctions.  He jiggered it to where it was working but only if held in a certain position, so he sat through the whole Skype conversation with my mom holding the webcam still.  He even complimented my brussel sprouts tonight, and he's never liked brussel sprouts.  10 brownie points for Mike!  He like getting brownie points, even though he doesn't particularly want to earn anything tangible.  I think it's his way of saying that he likes frequent positive reinforcement, and also, I think that he likes to imagine brownie points in terms of actual brownies.  The mere thought of baked goods makes him happy :)  I did surprise him with an actual prize for all  his earned brownie points, when I brought him leftover baked treats from two evening functions I dropped in  on earlier this week.  He gave me that big contented smile of his.  Love that man!  

Oh OK. I did promise some friends that I would have "deals" section at the end of every post.  I think the best deal I saw today was for a 2-year Redbook magazine subscription for $5 on Amazon.  All you do is go to Amazon and search for it.  I know I just wrote that I like to get subscriptions for free, but I don't think Redbook has ever been offered for free.  Anyway, I already have a subscription and it lapses in January, so this will be good.  The magazine is very informative and entertaining, and I like how it's geared toward more women with a lot going on in their lives.  It offers a little bit of everything.  So that's the deal of the day.  Night!

Motherhood Means

Here was my entry for the Motherhood Means...contest for Parenting Mag.  I wish I had been more bold about my faith.  I really meant to write in the last paragraph, "...to love God, to love others, to love ourselves..." Now that I've entered it, I'm ashamed that I was squeamish about simply stating that.  What makes my truth-claim any less usable in a magazine than any other truth-claim?  It's like I had a momentary religion inferiority complex.  Sad... Well, I thought that the rest of it went pretty well considering the fact that I had an hour to work on it and pressed "send" at 11:58pm.  Learned my lesson for next time.

Motherhood, as far as I'm concerned, embraces superhero status.  The whole thing is magical, and my brain hasn’t quite grasped the fact that I have joined these venerable legions.  An embryo took form against overwhelming odds and grew 100 million times within me.  She then entered the world in a highly calibrated mission that broached the limits of the physical universe. 

Mothers deserve free lifetime massages for the tour de force of pregnancy and childbirth alone.  We, however, are meant for a much greater odyssey, one in which our true power will be unveiled.  Our charge is nothing less than keeping the action of love alive through our decisions.  Save the mothers.  Save the world. 

Babies fail to thrive without love.  People suffer in clinical depression without enough love.  It is a component vital to human life.  To love this world, to love others, to love ourselves – we mothers are here to teach and model just this.  Washing the dishes, folding the laundry and preparing dinner has never been mere housework.  In them, we are offered the power to teach our children that love is an action and a responsibility, that it really can change the world, and that it is evidenced by honest, persistent and compassionate work.   Whether we recycle, whether we model a healthy diet, whether we check in on our sick neighbor, whether we praise our children, whether we practice consistent discipline, whether we choose to fight for our marriages, whether we deal with our depression or anxiety – All of these “ifs” are factors that mothers in large part influence.  Ours are the little decisions that can resolve the nation’s struggles with pollution, obesity, isolation, communication, crime, divorce and so on.   We are the guardians of a precious resource.  Just call us THE LOVEMAKERS!

Money Sense

Recently, I've been asked by several women in my life about the cost of having a baby and money saving strategies.  Everything I know, I've learned by listening to friends and trying out their leads, so no credit belongs here.  Isn't it great how we women have the capacity to come together and support one another?  There's real strength and power in that.  Compiled from emails I have written, here are ideas you might try. 

Concepts:  

Saving money is much more fun if you can think of it as a game that you play with yourself.  Rather than bemoaning the fact that you "have" to do this or that, think of it as a challenge to see how much you're able to save on every shopping trip.  Personally, I was bored out of my mind and even a little depressed by consumerism when I was reaping a very cush salary as a real estate developer.  Now that we've axed my income out of the equation, I'm excited by the challenge of it.  It's more fun and intellectually stimulating to go shopping now.  But, I'm a dork like that.  What can you do?

Many people don't use coupons, because they feel that the returns are not worth the effort.  They cut the coupons, look for the sales to use the coupons with, make a trip to the store...for what?  A free toothbrush?  What if they need five toothbrushes?  They can't get five toothbrushes with the dumb coupon!  It says limit 1!  Several concepts that might help here:

The most effective and lucrative use of coupons is when they're combined with another offer...a sale, a rebate program, a gift card etc.  

It's important not to let saving money take over your life.  If you're leaving your house several times a day to grab "deals" or driving 10 miles to a store you don't frequent, it's probably not worth your time alone.  I spend an hour on Sunday evening clipping coupons after my husband and I read the Sunday paper together, and am consistently able to save more than $50 per week and get lots of free stuff.  $50 for an hour of work is a pretty good deal.

Consider the concept of the STOCKPILE.  The idea is that you get a free pack of floss here, another pack at some other time, a free sippy cup there, some almost-free shampoo a few different times, and sooner rather than later, when you "need" something, you'll already have it in the house (and you'll have gotten it for next to nothing)!  You will be shocked at how fast the stockpile grows.  In the new house, we've designated two 5-shelf systems in the garage for our stockpile (and I hope to hang a sign that says "Sy Stockpile".  An big bonus for me: My husband LOVES it when I can hand him what he needs when he needs it (read: I get a lot of free razors).  It makes him see me as some kind of Magic Wife, and he's proud of his home life. 

I've heard the objection that businesses are saavy at crunching the numbers, so why would they let you save all this money?  Well, lots of reasons!  They want you to try a new product (e.g. last week, there was a free AirWick I-Motion, a new home scent gadget to be had for free from Target)...they want to create a lot of buzz around a product line or get you out to their retail stores...or they simply have to move a certain number of units to hit their projections.  And it's not like they trumpet most of these deals, so how many people do you think actually take advantage of them?  Frankly, I don't care that much about the why.  As long as I'm saving money and not having to give out my Social Security Number, why can't it be a win-win situation?

What about all the spam you get?  This is why many people I know have issues signing up for stuff.  I've mitigated this annoyance by simply creating a separate free online email account for all "vendor" correspondence.  I'm free to sign up for all the preferred customer, freebie offers, online accounts I want, without having to dig through the spam for my personal correspondence.  I haven't seen any increase in my postal mail either - it's probably much cheaper for the companies to send a million emails than a million printed ads.  Upside: I get coupons for all manner of things (I can take a friend out for free coffee at Borders at least once a month) whenever I want them.

I casually keep a running list of the lowest unit prices I can find on home necessities.  For example, I know a diaper sale is a good deal if each diaper is less than 18 cents (which is Costco's price).  Remember to use unit prices because home goods come in many different sizes and packages.

Save your change.  This is a fun tradition Mike and I have been doing for a number of years.  Before I tell you, let me reiterate that we are, indeed, very dorky.  We put all our spare change in a canister, and when it gets full, we make a special, almost ceremonial, trip to the Coinstar machine at our local grocer and cash it in for an Amazon.com gift card.  If you transfer the money onto a gift card, you don't have to pay any service charge for using Coinstar.  It's like finding $50 or $60 bucks in a coat pocket.

Take advantage of all your "revenue" streams.  When you find yourself bemoaning the fact that you have "no" spending money, think about where it may be socked away.  Have you earned the minimum to redeem the rebate off one of your credit cards?  Can you double that amount by using it at one of their retail partners?  Do you keep track of points earned from brand loyalty (like the Huggies Enjoy the Ride campaign)?  More money in your coat pocket :)  Alternatively, will you work for food? I WILL!!!  I'm willing to do all kinds of things for other people in return for food.  My reasoning: I don't have to plan it, shop for it, store it, and prep it.  I LOVE IT!  Other forms of bartering are cool too - I just love food :)


Remember that money is a means and not an end.  You can live REALLY well on name brands using VERY LITTLE money.  Through this money saving adventure, I've learned that living well, even in the most pragmatic, literal sense, takes developing a few character traits rather than getting more money:  A sense of humor, a little curiosity, some patience, a willingness to try out new things, and deciding not to engage in mindless consumption.  Be specific about how you will use your savings.  My purpose in saving is twofold: a) to stay within our ever shrinking budget b) extra giving - I'm able to by prizes for my Sunday School students, say "yes" to that cancer or disaster relief organization that solicits, donate goods when asked, all because of a little elbow grease beforehand.  Others are saving for a down payment on a house, a special trip.  Saving for saving's sake can be soul-sucking.  Plan to reward yourself for your efforts!

More specific tips:

Get the Sunday paper, and save the coupon sections.  You don't have to spend an hour clipping them every week if that's not your thing.  You can just file the coupons away by date, and when you see or read about a good deal, go into your file and clip the specific ones you want.  Exceptions would be for things that you know you will eventually need - like diapers or your brand of contact solution...which you'll always on the look out for.  Honestly, you can find most of the coupons from the paper online now, but it helps to have them all in one place in the Sunday paper...and you may want to use two of the same coupon! 

The Drugstore Game:  At the major drugstores, if you buy certain products, you will get a certain amount of "Extra Bucks" or "Register Rewards," depending on the chain.  You can use these bucks toward any future purchase just as you would cash.  If you work the deals right and keep buying items which yield register rewards using your existing register rewards, you end up getting things for free or even making money.

This brings up the important point of buying only products you will use (or you know someone else needs).  If you're buying something for the sake of "saving, because it's a great deal," it's obviously a waste of money.  

If I'm going to a retail store for clothing or the like, I check the store's website or my email (if I have a customer loyalty account) for deals like 40% off coupons etc.  

If I really like certain products, like Earth's Best, Nuby, Fischer Price etc., I'll become a fan on Facebook (or Twitter), so I know when their deals are happening. 

For online purchases, I basically refuse to pay shipping ever (unless I'm late sending a gift to someone, or the deal is really good even with shipping, or the product is free except for shipping).  You have so many vendor options, why would you?

I also pretty much refuse to pay for magazine subscriptions, because there are so many free deals out there.  The range of things I'm refusing to pay for is steadily growing HAHA. 

Remember that Target's coupon policy is that you can actually use two coupons per item: one manufacturer stacked with one store coupon (marked "Target Store Coupon" at the top).  You can print Target coupons through the store's website.  This can be a great deal.  I've gotten mascara for 24 cents, and free laundry detergent.  They also have a price match guarantee, and if they tell you they don't match certain prices, you can reply that their policy (posted online) does not state that. 


Start a blog!  Blogspot.com allows you to start a blog for free.  Even if you don't write anything in your blog,  you'll have a Dashboard upon logging in that will allow you to simultaneously keep up with as many blogs as you'd like.  You can enter a bunch of money-saving blogs to follow and all the new posts to those blogs will appear on your dashboard in the order they are posted.  At the end of the day, all you have to do is log into Blogspot and scroll down to get an overview of the deals out available that day.  Easy, fast and convenient info-gathering!

Resources: 

www.moneysavingmom.com: Founded by a Christian lady with two kids who wanted to be at home, put her husband through law school and live debt free.  Now that he is working, she continues what she does on the principal of good stewardship (and her website is a good source of income). All current deals are in the Categories tab. There are a lot of money saving blogs out there but this one is concise, full of wisdom and nicely organized. 

http://www.freebies4mom.com/: The best way to utilize this is to search for it on Facebook and "become a fan." Once you do that, her deals will show up on your news wall every day, and you can click the ones you want to advantage of. 

http://www.couponmom.com/ : A great source for advertised and unadvertised grocery deals at all the major chains around the country. 

http://www.freepeats.org/: The website allows moms in major metropolitan areas to post baby and kids' items that they are giving away.  Moms requesting specific items may also post.  It's like a craigslist for moms.  There's usually a small fee to join the group, but in the past, they have offered free sign-ups.

http://www.parentingpriveleges.com/ : If you shop through this portal, you can get an additional 10-40% off from certain retailers.  I think you have to have a subscription to Parenting Magazine, though, so I'll post a free offer when it comes up.  If you have Discover Card, Discover has a similar portal, among a number of other businesses.  Just find one and use it :) 

http://hip2save.blogspot.com  : This lady seems to get the latest scoop really quickly!

www.coupons.com

www.hotcouponworld.com 

I just have too many other things I want to do to try and turn this into a money saving blog...and I really don't have that kind of energy and focus (but I'm grateful for the ladies who do!).  Also, I want my opinions and statements to be free and clear of any association with profit. 

Hope this was informative for some of you!  Night night.  

P.S.  Babies are expensive, but, with a little help from your friends, you'll make it!

Weekend Highlights

I suppose that the weekend's not over, so there might be a Part Deux to this.  

Highlights:

Mike and I attended a Marriage Conference hosted by our church on Friday evening and Saturday.  Because Vera hasn't been able to obtain an H1n1 vaccine yet, we thought better of putting her in childcare and asked my in-laws to watch her.  Highlight of Friday night was getting a full night of uninterrupted rest.  NIGHT OFF!!! WHOOHOO!  We were pleasanly surprised that Vera did just fine with her grandparents and even "sang" hymns with them late into the night.  She also slept 8 hours straight, which hasn't been happening at home...hmmm...  Mike says she was fine with them because she's very securely attached to me.  I was kinda thinking maybe a little sniffling for Momma would signal a secure attachment.  Either way, at least everyone survived in relatively fine shape.

We got home from church around 10pm on Friday and decided to snuggle for a bit before diving into our various hobbies.  We ended up falling fast asleep and woke up in the morning with hard, sticky pink streaks on our arms, face and all over the bed.  Turns out that the gum I was chewing when we jumped into bed had fallen out of my mouth during the night and smeared all over everything.  But get this!  While I meticulously (and painfully) plucked all the gum off of my arm and face, Mike, after showering, decided he'd just leave it on his arm...at least it was clean gum (?!!!).  He's fine with the fact that it will come off eventually, and he wears dress shirts that cover his arms to work anyway (again, ?!!!).  Therein, you have deep insight into our relationship and the differences that unite us.  I have to admit that this gesture is disgustingly poignant.

Our reactions to being home without Vera were also varied and interesting.  I kept picturing her here and there, with her big smiles and hysterical giggles.  I was saddened by the empty bottles on the counter.  My body felt empty without someone kicking and pulling at it.  I kept my voice down even though there was no one to wake up.  Mike said, "Honey, she'll be home tomorrow!  Enjoy the night!"  and seemed to relish his evening thoroughly.  Not that he didn't express any desire to be with our baby - I guess he's just better at appreciating the moment :)

The Marriage Conference was taught by Don and Jean McClure, who are great speakers and gifted, humorous teachers.  They gave very practical messages on Ephesians 5, which most everyone studies if they go to premarital counseling but almost no one practices due to its difficult calling.  After the conference, I told Don that he was so funny, and he explained that he lightens his teaching deliberately because so many couples are already so defeated in their relationships.  So true!  Here are some of my notes:

Session 1 - Eph. 5:15-21 The Role of the Holy Spirit

Our relationship with the Holy Spirit determines the quality of every other relationship.  A husband/wife/kid problem is actually a God problem, as it takes God to accomplish anything.  We fail if we expect our husband/wife/kid to fulfill us, because Scripture says that we are to be filled with the Holy Spirit.  Through the Spirit, we receive attributes we wouldn't otherwise be able to attain:

a) Joy - true joy comes only from God, not the perfect man, woman, child, job, house, car, bank account etc. 

b) Gratitude - true gratitude is what God grants a Christian.  It is seen in Jesus' ability to continually give thanks to the Father even though surrounded by hopelessness. 

c) Submission - submitting to each other is the opposite of getting our way.  The submissive attitude is to be determined to win together, and if not together, then we both lose.  

The natural, fallen, carnal nature cannot achieve these things, so we must stop accusing, blaming, looking to the other person.  Instead, take your problems up with the Lord, who is willing and able to give them to you.  Therefore, the filling of the Holy Spirit is not an additive to "make your life better"; rather, it is a prerequisite to making any relationship work.

Session 2 - Eph. 5:22-24  The Role of the Wife

To submit to the husband as to the Lord.  Why do we have to submit?  Actually, both man and woman have to submit to that from which they were derived, as a result of the Fall.  Woman to the man, and man to the soil/dust (notice how wrapped up men can become in their work).  

The woman's achievement of this submission HAS to be a miraculous work, because any fool can see that our husbands are not Christ.

What is the point then?  That we learn to trust God in His consistency, as we live our life filled with inconsistencies.  

God's sense of humor:  Women clearly have a much greater understanding of what is going on in the home and are often far more gifted in most areas than the man.  Women are also often more spiritually sensitive and attuned.  Humanly, it makes no sense that man should be the head of the household and that God should call him to lead and hold him accountable for it.  But this the process by which woman is conformed to Christ Jesus, who relinquished himself for mankind. 

There is power in submission.  Men Lead.  Women Influence.  

We are not to be man's servant, mother, nor the Holy Spirit in the man's head.  We are his wife, called to help him.  If we laugh/scoff at his every misstep, he will feel his position of leadership threatened, dig his feet in and stick to his errant plans out of fear and/or stubbornness.  If we stand beside him and offer support, he will turn to our influence when he needs help, because he is not threatened.  

Session 3 - Ephesians 5:25-29  The Role of the Husband

If we take a capitalistic view of life, then any material failing will destroy us.  Husbands  need to believe and act out the fact that the definition of life is: to be conformed to the life of Christ. 

Headship is NOT: Whatever man says, that's the way it is.  I have spoken; therefore let it be.  This is not how God treats us. 

Headship is: Servanthood as modeled by Christ - interceding, carrying burdens, choosing love over force in order to win the bride willingly.

a) Man SANCTIFIES his bride.  The marriage vow "and forsaking all others, I pledge thee my throth (fidelity)"  means that the bride surpasses everyone else in importance & preeminence.  The bride is "set apart" in her own realm.  The universe will be folded up one day and Christ will have only his Bride (the church).  Analogously, children, friends, relatives will all leave one day, and we will have our marriage.  There is a reason the bride walks down the aisle "passing" everyone else in importance: coworkers, friends, relatives, parents. 

b)  Man CLEANSES his bride.  Just as God does not motivate us by telling us continually where we fall short, man should not make his bride feel that she is just not "enough" for him (whether domestically, physically, sexually etc).  She will get lost in trying to be someone else or make it to "enough" and both of you lose who God made her to be.  With her husband, woman should feel just so loved, so cherished, so clean.

c) Man leads BY THE WORD.  Man is responsible and accountable before God for whether or not he leads his household.  Children can often tell whether the woman leads or the man leads a household, and there is a profound difference.  The Scripture says that man will present back to himself one day his work (just as Christ will), so invest in this work he is responsible to do in woman.  Scripture commands man to love the woman as his own body.  We never become angry with our body for needing daily maintenance and care, for needing satisfying food.  Man always find a way to achieve its needs.  This is no less true and necessary with regard to the bride's needs.  

Session 4 - Do You See This Woman?  Men's Session (this is based off of what Mike shared with me)

Women need to feel loved above all else. 
Figure out how she receives love and find a way, any way to JUST DO IT. 

Concept of maintenance.  Your wives need daily maintenance.  Things will not be in working order if you neglect their maintenance. 

Women often feel overwhelmed by their long to-do lists.  They REALLY appreciate it when you jump in and take responsibility for a few tasks.

*Funny story: After the break-out session, I asked Mike what they learned in the men's session.  He said, "Oh, to love your wife.  And I was thinking to myself, 'Man! I do all of that!  I'm GOOD!'" I rolled my eyes and said, "I'm DOOMED!!!"  Funny moment; we laughed. 

Session 5 - Practical Tips on Loving Your Husband.  Women's Session 

Top Needs of Women:

Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness (we care greatly about what is going on inside), Financial Support and Family Commitment.

Top Needs of Men:

Respect, Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship (take interest in their interests), Attractive Spouse (do the best we can), Domestic Support, Admiration (they still want to play hero).  Notice that conversation is not at the top of a man's list.  

How we choose to behave as wives and mothers speak loudly to all generations watching us.  We can either turn people toward or away from the Lord based solely based on how we treat our spouse and our children.  We must learn to be married and count the cost of our choices.  God stretches us not to break us, but to increase our faith.  1 Pe 3:1; Prov. 14:1; Prov 12:3; Ps. 37:25.

Top three issues that lead to divorce:

1) Finances - It doesn't matter who pays the bills (just bec/ man is head doesn't mean he has to do it).  What is important is that both people are aware of what the checkbook ledger looks like, so they can be equally frugal.  The key to this is communication and letting each other know what is going on re: finances.  It is helpful to set a dollar limit above which husband and wive need to consult with each other.  e.g. $50.  

2) Children - Wise old saying: The best thing you can do for your children is to love your husband.  Do NOT put husbands last.  Will be detrimental to all family relationships.  Do devotionals with children, because they will carry that with them forever.

3) Romantic/Physical Part - Be thankful, because without this, men probably wouldn't marry us (that's why it's so foolish to give it away before marriage for nothing).  Men physically require sex to feel healthy.  If we excel at one room in the house, let it be the bedroom.  Other women, who dress up for work every day, are competing with you for your husband.  Give them good reasons to want to come home every day.  Praise, don't punish your husbands.  Tell the Lord his faults, but tell him his good attributes.  Think of one compliment every day of your life for him.  If it's a really tough day, be thankful that he came home to you.  

Invest in your marriage because it will be returned to you; don't give up.  

Do it, don't just hear it. 

After the conference, we went to Costco and some other stores to pick up household necessities.  Funny story that Mike told me tonight (Sat.).  Vera started crying a couple of hours after falling asleep for the night.  He walked into her room and found her standing in her crib, wide awake.  He laid her back down and explained, 'Vera, you need to sleep or else you'll upset Mommy.'  Vera gave a gesture of acquiescence and went straight back to sleep.  My two cutie pies!