Some Depression and Anxiety Helps

It appears as if there's quite a bit of interest in my personal health history, so I guess I'll post more about that.  In particular, I'd like to jot down some things that have been most helpful to me when I am forced to walk the darkened valleys:

• Activity Planning: When you're not interested in anything anymore, try to find one thing in the next day/part of the day/hour that you're looking forward to.  Sometimes, you do just have to take it hour by hour.  It doesn't feel OK, but it is OK.  It could be anything, like the touch of your husband's hand when he gets home from work.  Or just a future meal (are you going to Chick-fil-a later?).  Something that involves the senses often works well.  With severe clinical depression when you can't muster any interest at all, you just need to drag yourself out of the house by 11AM every day.  Just say to yourself, "I am going to go to X place.  I will just go and observe what happens."  If you just go and sit there and observe, instead of pre-judging how you will feel about being there, you will probably find that your mood improves appreciably by being out.

• Being with other people:  Just watching people go about their days...talk about how they perceive things...take you with them to the places they're going...helps.  Just watching other people's faces and they're expressions and the sound of their voices can help calm the tempest within.  It must have something to do with God's creation, the Holy Spirit in people.  If you can muster the energy or desire to talk, just open your mouth and say something...anything!  I found it very helpful to just chat about the most mundane things that I didn't really have to think about, like where did they get their curtains, I like watermelon, that dog is cute etc...even if it sounds childish, it can make you feel better.  By people, I mean people who aren't going through major issues of their own.  If you're feeling even further burdened by the people you are with, please find other people.  Sometimes the most helpful people are ones who don't have such a heavy stake in your well-being.  I could not stand spending the day with my mom, but I could pass it fairly well with my sister-in-laws.  Talk therapy works so well in large part simply because you are talking, and the act itself is therapeutic.  Sometimes, it isn't even for the purpose of resolving some monumental issue in your life.  The best therapy for the depressed is from supportive family and friends. 
  

• Nature: Birds.  Just a few reflections on trees and birds, as promised in an earlier post.  Birds: When you wake up in the morning and the gloom threatens to crush you, listen for a moment and see if you hear the birds singing outside.  If you can, open the curtains and just listen to them.  They represent God's faithfulness in your life every single morning.  I think of hymns.  "Morning has broken, like the first morning. Blackbird has spoken like the first bird"..."This is my Father's world, and to my listening ear, all nature sings and 'round me rings, the music of the spheres"..."His eye is on the sparrow, and He watches me."  And a Bible verse or two:  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will your Father." (Matthew 10:29).  "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns [read: fret], and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6:26).  Even without getting philosophical, the pure timbre of their songs will help a little.

• Nature: Trees.  One of my refuges since moving to our current home has been the tiny nature preserve close by.  Even when I can't get there, I find myself focusing on the selection of trees in the shopping center's landscape islands, between the parking spaces...or the flower bed outside a friend's apartment complex under the monument sign.  They provide respite in what can seem like a hard, concrete jungle.  A few experiences with trees to keep in mind:  I like to watch sunlight filter through leaves.  It's so glorious.  I also like to view the midnight blue sky (that brilliant but dark blue that happens just after sunset) through the silhouette of darkened branches.  I like the hopeful hue of new leaves, those innocent and vibrant light greens.  I adore the trees whose leaves turn with the seasons, whose hues are by turns muted and fiery.  I like to listen to leaves: the gentle shush of new growth and the stimulating clamor of leaves ready to fall.  I often admire leaves for their fortitude and faith.  They stay in the same place all their lives, whatever may befall them.  They don't complain or tear themselves away from the tree.  They simply abide.  They are created, they live out their lives bringing shade and comfort and joy to others, and they gracefully take their flight when it is time to go.  That brings me to shade!  Oh glorious shade!  "The Lord watches over you --the Lord is your shade at your right hand" (Psalm 121:5).  Sometimes our minds need physical experiences of what our spirit are thirsting for.  That is why I recommend going outside.  

• Nature: Breezes.  In the parched spiritual environment of a depressed mind, it's hard to find anything that will penetrate the darkness.  Evening breezes was one of those powerful things for me.  Even in my numbed state, my soul could recognize a caress from God.  In fact, I never thought of breezes in that way until I became depressed.  I never noticed them very much at all.  But now every breeze is a hug, every hair it moves a mighty cleansing.  Sometimes we don't look carefully for life's gifts until we have to look.  There is a purpose in our suffering.  "Rushing wind, blow through this temple,/Blowing out the dust within; Come and breathe you breath upon me:/I am born again." (Keith Green).   

• TEA!  Herbal, White, Green Teas calmed [and calm] me on an emotional level.  Maybe it's the flavanoids.  Maybe it's the L-theanine.  Maybe the warm tea forces you to calm your breathing.  Don't know.  Just LOVE TEA and carry a big cup every time I'm going into an anxiety provoking situation.
  

• Now, your depressed or anxious mind may ridicule you for thinking these things.  That cynical voice will threaten to invade.  But just say to it, 'I choose to go on my walk every day.  I choose to head toward the light and eventually, the darkness will fall behind me.'  If you can't muster that, then just let them be together at the same time.  It's okay; even the smallest amount of light can penetrate the darkest darkness.  

• The issue of sleep.  Sometimes when it's really bad, you need to nip it in the bud.  If you're getting very anxious about your inability to sleep, get help.  I had trouble getting this information, so I want to share it up front.  Many sufferers of depression/anxiety do not do well on prescription sleep aids like Ambien, Lunesta etc.  It will either not work at all or work for a few days and quit.  Myself and many others, in the worst of times (and I am referring to really bad times when you sometimes doubt if you can get through the night), do well with Trazadone.  Others are prescribed a low and regular dose of Klonopin.  Those are probably your two best bets in the bad times.  If the severity of the insomnia lessens, and you feel relatively confident that you will get to sleep someday, then I have had good success with a OTC antihistimine like Benadryl.  Recently, I've been able to sleep with homeopathic remedies.  My favorite is counting.  I lie down.  Thoughts start to roll around in my head which create varying moods.  I feel a little overstimulated.  I just start counting to myself slowly and let the thoughts fade into nothingness.  If thoughts get louders, I choose to focus on the numbers.  Before I know it, I'm  asleep.  If I have to start thinking about what number I'm on or if it's a high number, I just start back at one...anything simple and repetitive.  Other things that my docs have said are great sleep aids:  milk (I forgot the ingredient that relaxes you but it promotes sleepiness) and magnesium (it's a natural muscle relaxant).  Hope that helps!

• Concentration.  Depression and/or anxiety can be paralyzing and overwhelming.  When I can't focus on what I'm doing or don't want to focus on the thoughts in my head, I read a novel.  Something not too weighty and not too dense for you.  Take yourself to another place.  I read so many books during my pregnancy: the Time Traveler's Wife...that Marley book...a few Jane Austen novels...lots of girly books call Peaches and the sequel to Peaches and on and on :)  If that's all you can do that day, at least you read a good book!  For some reason, trying to "relax" in front of the TV did not work at all for me.  I think it has to do with brain waves or something, but I have read other accounts of people who have said that sitcoms and humor on TV saved their lives...so that's something to consider.  If it takes a little longer to get something done, try to tell yourself, 'It's ok.  I'm just sick right now...like someone with a broken arm or the flu.'  If you're overwhelmed, stop what you're doing and focus on something neutral for a minute or just do it slower.  It's okay.  

• The serious stuff.  If you have had suicidal or homicidal thoughts, you need to be under medical care.  Please please find a psychiatrist or ask someone you know to find you a psychiatrist.  Or just go to your regular doctor, and they will figure it out for you.  The doctor can get you in touch with a therapist or determine that is needed.  If you have a suicidal or homicidal plan, then you need to get to your nearest emergency room.  If you are feeling desperate and not sure what to do, please call a hotline like 1 (800) SUICIDE.  I will tell a "secret" here (as if I haven't shared enough!).  One night in the middle of my yet unexplained depression and insomnia (before the hospital stay), I got desperate, and I called that hotline.  It was actually a positive experience.  The number automatically routes you to a local help center where a licensed therapist is on call.  The lady I spoke with was very gentle, a very good listener and even though she didn't have a lot of new suggestions, it was just good to have someone who understood in that moment (in depression, you have a lot of guilt about dumping "everything" on your loved ones).  Anyway, I share this, so you won't feel like it might be some awful, scary experience.  If you need it at any point, it's there.  

• More serious stuff:  Sometimes the darkness can seem really dark, and there is no visible light at the end of the tunnel.  Here's my reasoning for you, if you are considering doing something "bad."  This is a temporary state.  I, and many others, can tell you that we got to the end of the tunnel.  It is a disorder, and the tunnel is finite.  A common thought to that statement is, "well, I might be weaker than you...not good enough..."  The answer to that is that we have also had that thought and still made it through.  There is nothing special about your overall constitution that makes you "unsavable"...there is nothing new under the sun :)  Remember that part of the illness is to create the darkness and then try to perpetuate.  So it will say something like, 'look at the negative way you are dealing with your life' when it (the illness) is the thing that cast the negative light on everything in the first place.  You need to get angry with it and say, 'You are not lying to me anymore.  I will identify the lies and walk away from them.'  Finally, my favorite quote from Robert Frost is, "The quickest way around something is through it."  This is true with life.  If you cut it short, how do you know what misery awaits you on the other side (and that will not be finite).  If you commit a crime out of frustration, why deepen your depression and dramatically "lengthen" your perception of life by rotting in prison or living in constant fear?  

• Other things that help: Cutting fresh veggies, especially bell pepper for me.  I think it's part aromatherapy, part texture/touch therapy and part distraction.  I love the crisp sound of the peppers.  It makes things seem so clean and organized and uncomplicated. 

• A thankful list also helps.  Every morning upon waking up or every evening before bed, write down 10 things you're thankful for.  You can write more than 10 things, but there have to be at least 10.  If you get stuck at six or seven, it really pushed you that extra little step to realize all that you have to be grateful for in your life.

• One more thing: Stay open to God.  He stands near you even if you have lost the capacity for a while to know that He is there.  Open yourself up and pour out your needs to Him.  Cry, beg, yell, scream.  He hears and loves you.  Many, including myself, have witnessed that golden cord of salvation extended to them in their mental prisons.  I'm not just talking about salvation from physical death.  God is a God of actual deliverance in this life.  He will save you out of spiritual, emotional death in this life.  You may not believe it until you've crossed that "Red Sea", but He will do it.